Words:
Molly Smith –
@mols_adventures

Photos:
Molly Smith

Shoulder recovery

In December 2024, I underwent a rotator cuff repair surgery after countless dislocations and a general instability of my shoulder – I’m sure paddling had much to do with it. Before my surgery, paddling would cause pain in my shoulder, and high bracing wasn’t even an option. Even if I did, the shoulder was so unstable that the chance of dislocation was too high. Although I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy road to recovery, never did I think it would be so tough. Not just physically, but it also took a toll on my mental health.

For the first two weeks after surgery, I knew I wouldn’t be able to move much. But I still felt so disheartened. A rotation of ice and painkillers dominated my brain; even the smallest of movements caused so much pain in my shoulder. Even breathing begins to hurt. Icepacks provided the most relief, as they were changed every few hours to bring some relief. Painkillers helped too, but the side effects of drowsiness meant I was sleeping most of the time or waiting for the next time I could take more.

Those first few days were by far the worst; the frustration of the nerve block not quite being finished meant I had very little use of my hand. Even when that was over, using my hand still caused pain in my shoulder. The frustration of not being able to do even the simplest of tasks: getting dressed, making drinks, looking after myself. My head started to spin. I felt as if I had lost all my freedom and independence. Without my amazing friends and family, I am sure it would have been far worse. I have them to thank for their support and kindness during this time.

After two weeks of recovery, progress was finally visible. Although it was little, it did lift me slightly. At this stage, I could only move my arm to shoulder height, and that was with my other arm as a guide.

After six weeks of recovery, a wooden curtain rail became a glimpse of hope. The pole allowed me to practise the movement of paddling, however stiff it felt. Just that small glimpse of paddling, felt like a path was emerging, and it would all be worth it. The first days after surgery, with tiny shoulder movements and the frustration they caused, felt like it was going to matter.

Paddling flat water
The day finally came after nine weeks of recovery and healing, when I got back in my kayak. I paddled the flat water at Cardiff International White Water Centre. Although I felt stiff and it ached the whole time, the feeling of being back on the water was far better than I could have imagined. I felt unstable in my Firecracker, but I relished every second of feeling the water pass underneath my boat. Even just paddling in circles made me smile and brought me immense joy. I was on my way back to doing what I love and enjoy.

After ten weeks, my physiotherapy efforts were beginning to show, and I had completed a few flat-water paddles, including one at Chirk Aquaduct in North Wales. The time had come to get on a river with a bit more flow. I was super happy just to be back in a kayak, but I missed the feeling of moving water.

I travelled to Matlock for a paddle on the River Derwent. Although I had previously paddled this river numerous times before surgery, I had a fluttering feeling in my stomach this time: a mix of fear and excitement all at once.

Once on the water, I quickly reminded myself about edging, paddling slowly and practising breaking in and out. There were a few tears as it felt like I was back at square one. I felt as if I had lost so much skill, strength and confidence in my paddling ability. Fortunately, my partner, Alex, was there to help me see that I could still paddle and that I would be fine. He completely and consistently believed in me throughout my paddling and recovery journey. For that, I am forever grateful.

After a while, the look of nervousness and concern faded, leaving a sense of calm. A few weeks later, I returned to the Derwent with increased confidence. I played the river, even with it being so low: rock spinning, surfing and tailing. It was reassuring to know that my roll was still there, even when exhausted.

Serpent’s Tail and Town Falls
After 14 weeks, I pushed myself and got back onto a river I knew and loved: the Dee in Llangollen. With the support of my friends, I felt ready to regain that feeling of freedom by going down Serpent’s Tail and Town Falls.

At the top of the ramp, I reflected on how long it had been since I was there last. It was time for one little push to get back onto the river. As my boat hit the water, I could not stop smiling. I was thrilled to be back. On a river I loved and had shared so many memories with friends who had supported me solidly over the past few months.

At Serpent’s Tail, I could remember the line but still felt the rush of nerves at the first drop. But this was what I loved: the water on my face, the water’s roar felt like a song. Continuing down the river allowed the memories to flood back. I felt proud of myself for how far I had come in the past months of endless physiotherapy, pain killers, and ice pack rotations. The hard work had paid off.

Before I knew it, we had arrived at Town Falls. The line wasn’t as cemented in my brain as it had been at Serpent’s Tail,. I talked it through, and the nerves came flooding in. I took some deep breaths and paddled over the first lip, increasingly aware of the slots on either side of me. I flew through, paddled towards the end and was greeted with cheers from my friends on the water and the bridge.

It has now been 18 weeks. My shoulder is still not right; my outward rotation is still very stiff, but I’m back paddling the rivers I love, with laps of the Tryweryn and weekly sessions at Lee Valley. Whilst my paddling is not where it was before surgery, my skill and knowledge are all coming back to me. I finally have the freedom and joy of surfing the waves and tailing on eddy lines.

All of the physiotherapy, x-ray, MRI scans and other endless appointments for my shoulder all seem a million miles behind me. However, I do know I still have a long way to go until I am back to where I was.

Unfortunately, I have been informed that another operation is necessary to partially release the anterior capsule, allowing for outward rotation. I continue to remind myself that it will be worth it in the long term, and I am forever grateful for the wonderful friends who support me.